Grandma

Grandma, I can’t help but notice
You have os-teo-perosis
And my increasing neurosis
Wants to push you down the stairs
I just find your presence cloying
And your voice and face annoying
So instead of simply toying
With you, I’ll push you down the stairs
I’ll make sure that you don’t feel it
You can’t avoid or try to appeal it
Your doom I am going to seal it
When I push you down the stairs
I’m not all that good at lying, really
To do so would be trying, really
So I’ll say I sent you flying, merely,
When I pushed you down the stairs
No doubt I’ll go to prison then
But if I don’t hear your voice again
I’ll consider it a blessing when
I pushed you down the stairs
The people I feel sorry for
Are my mummy and my daddy or
My brother who’ll have to mop the floor
At the bottom of the stairs
And in gaol I will not care
If some larger prisoner there
Decides to push me down some stairs
Because I’d still be rid of you.